Arts & Entertainment
Friday,
March 18, 2005
Volume 33,
Issue 11
Fri, Nov 20, 2009
IN THE SGN
SECTION ONE
Front Page
MORE/ALL
SECTION ONE
STORIES
SECTION TW0
Arts & Entertainment
General Gayety by Leslie Robinson |
||
 |
||
| Ship of fools | ||
| My mother and I get along well, so well that we like to travel together. Next week shes taking me on a cruise. At dinner well be sitting at a table for six with four strangers. In the past weve been very fortunate with our table mates. In fact, last time around we sat with a Gay couple from the Netherlands and a straight couple from Michigan, and we all bonded over the dual joys of laughter and 6,000-calorie desserts.
But Im fretting that our luck cant continue to hold. This could be the trip where I find myself sitting next to the red-state poster child. On the first night well all take our seats and introduce ourselves. In my worst nightmare, my neighbor, Bill, will comment that hes devoted his retirement to bringing this country back to its senses. In what way? I ask, praying his goal is a balanced budget. This Gay marriage foolishness. This Gay-anything foolishness. Those people are evil and its time we stopped coddling them. My mothers seafood pate stops on the way to her mouth. She stares at me, wondering what Im going to say. So do I. In the interest of peace and good digestion, I offer a softball. Thats an interesting point of view. He turns to me. Dont you agree? Dammit. I know Mom would prefer tranquility, and she is paying for this trip. One more softball. Im afraid I dont agree, but we live in a great country where were free to hold different opinions. My, those rolls look delicious. What do you think? I think Ill have one. No, about Gay rights, he persists. His wife retreats behind her compact. My mother, currently on crutches, readies them for a quick getaway. But I havent given up hope. I think were all on vacation, and politics is such a touchy subject. This isnt about politics. This is about Gods word, and the soul of America, Bill responds. The other couple at the table appear to be turning green, and I dont think theyre seasick. I heave a big sigh, and turn to him. Im a Lesbian, jackass. All my indignation melts when I realize it mightve sounded like I called myself a Lesbian jackass. But apparently the message got through properly, as he throws his napkin on the table and turns the color of his chilled strawberry with tapioca soup. You, you are whats wrong with America! Youre generous. Surely I cant be the only thing. Admitting it in public, saying out loud that youre one of those! I fought for this country! My mother chimes in. So did her father. So did and do a lot of Gay people, I add. Steward! he bellows, and the steward appears. My wife and I need to be reseated. Put us with normal people. When the steward explains they can be moved, but starting tomorrow, he says to his wife, Cmon Dot. Were getting out of here. Not yet, Bill. Wait till Ive had my filet mignon. You cant catch it, Bill, I say. May as well finish your meal. Tomorrow you can eat free of filth. I cant resist: And so can I. We all eat in silence. I picture the night later in the cruise when the stewards parade through the darkened dining room toting baked Alaskas. By that point the flaming dessert might appeal to Bill as a weapon. Better that he move far from me. And I hope he winds up sitting with atheists, socialists, and a PBS employee. Leslie Robinson is armed with pills for seasickness and indigestion. E-mail her at LesRobinsn@aol.com, and read more of her work at www.GeneralGayety.com. |
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
QUOTE/UNQUOTE |
