SGN Page 47

by Beau Burriola

Gay Vets cawlin
Hi, this is former piss-on Burriola, from the Department of Gay Veteran Affairs. What? The kid sounded confused. Gay Veteran Affairs. Dont worry, I got your name from your sister. She tells me you are thinking of joining the Army. Huh? Oh yeah, well I Well, I just wanted to call and give you the quick, standardized Gay vet questionnaire...., The what? Standardized Gay questionnaire. We had to cut it down, including axing my solo in C-minor, because it was too long. Look kid, just answer these four questions. Okay, he said compliantly. Good. #1: Are you prepared to hear vulgar, explicit, and sometimes very hateful things said about Gays, homos, fags, pillow-biters, etc., often from people you report directly to, day in and day out for eight years at least? And also are you prepared to take part in all that so that you are not perceived subconsciously to be the homosexual? What? The shock in his voice told me he didnt have much else to say. #2: Are you prepared to keep secret and hide any tiny little ounce of yourself from other people, lest folks should perceive you to be a homosexual, including controlling even involuntary sexual responses? Silence. At least he hadnt hung up. #3: Are you prepared to fight and die for a country that not only doesnt believe you should have the right to marry, but also believes that you are not worthy to even have the right to die for your country, or that your family should be protected and cared for if you die? And finally, #4: When youve done your time only to come out of it and look back to wish you hadnt - whether you meant to or not- soaked up so much of that self-hate and thrown it at yourself again and again and again, will you be like so many of us who regret that decision? Think bout it. The silence was heavier. Yes?! Well then good luck to ya, kid. Youll need it. Thanks for taking time for our questionnaire! HOO-AH! click Since Ive started my lil Departments of Gay Veterans affairs project, business has been picking up. If anyone you know is considering going into the military, send me an e-mail and Ill be happy to call with the questionnaire. Oh I know some of you dont agree. Thats okay. You dont have to. If all folks get from a phone call is another point of view, what does that hurt? Looking back, going into the army was the screwiest thing I could have done as a gay man, and if I can offer another point of view to someone standing on the precipice of that fateful decision, Im there. Now that Ive finally found out whats worth fighting for myself, Id like to save someone else the trouble. HOO-AH! Beau Burriola is a local writer who keeps his old uniforms packed deep, deep, deep, in the furthest part of the storage room. Email him at beau@beaubrent.com.