SGN Page 43

Dear Glenn

by Glenn Pressel, M.A, LMHC, LMTF
Dear Glenn, Ive read your column on and off for a few years. A while back you had a letter from a guy who is addicted to meth. I dont think Im addicted but I know I have to quit it and Im discovering its not so easy. I dont do it a lot. Maybe a couple times a month at the most. I do it on Friday nights so Im myself by Monday to go to work. I use it for sex like most guys and I usually post a party and play invite on the Internet and I always get responses. Sex can be not dull but flat when not on meth. I start thinking about how hot it is with it and one thing leads to another. What do I need to do to get over thinking that sex is only better with meth? Like I said I dont think Im addicted but I can see how easy it would be if I keep doing this. Mike Dear Mike, You may not be addicted but as you say, you can tell how easy it would be to get addicted because of the way sex is with crystal use. You are at a good place to think seriously about quitting. To get past this you will need to have several sexual experiences without crystal to get back on track. You also have to acknowledge that you will never have sex again like the sex you experience on meth. Meth floods the feel good receptors in the brain in a way that regular stimuli cant. So you have to let yourself do some grieving of the loss of sex with that much intensity. This takes some time and entails acknowledging the meth/sexual cravings are just feelings that will pass. I suggest giving yourself some abstinence from all sexual activity for a week or two. That will help you enjoy sex and give it more intensity. The process back to regular sex can take a few months or longer. Dont worry; you will come to really enjoy and appreciate sex again. It takes that long for the memory of the intensity to fade and to give you new sexual experiences that you enjoy. Stay away from the guys youve played with on meth. The temptation can be too much to resist and then youll just have to start all over. Do some research on just how much damage crystal does to your body so you can reinforce not using it, www.crystalmeth.org (sponsored by Seattle Counseling Service) is a good place to start. Check out what Seattle Public Health or Gay City Health Project has available. The more informed you are the easier it is to make the change to healthy sexuality. Glenn Dear Glenn, I need some advice about a dude Im dating. Weve been seeing each other for about six months now. Hes the sweetest guy Ive ever met. We have awesome sex together. He is faithful and I dont at all worry about him cheating on me, its just not in his genes. The problem is hes not very educated. He only finished high school and I have an advanced degree. I am not a snob although Im sure it sounds that way. Its just that our intellectual conversations are on different levels. Im passionate about politics and current events. I like to have a glass of wine and discuss life events. He has no interest in such things and when pressed doesnt have much of an opinion. Even though I was only in elementary school when Watergate happened I get the significance of Deep Throat. He never heard of him. He knows Watergate is something that happened but he couldnt tell you what it was. I had to explain it to him. One side of me tells me to break up with him and another side says Ill never find someone so sweet, cuddly and faithful again. I really am torn about what to do. I know that if I leave he will be devastated, hes told me Im the one and he wants us to get married. Am I being shallow here and missing a good thing or am I right to call it quits? R Dear R, Wow, what a hard dilemma. You really like this guy and things are good between you but you long for someone who is more intellectually stimulating. I guess you want it all. Theres nothing wrong with that. When it comes to personal relationships this is where we need to be discriminating because they are hopefully for the long run. If this is bugging you now, it will probably be magnified in the future unless you see other sides to him that compensate for your different interest levels. In my experience the more we have in common with our partners the greater the likelihood the relationship will last and be a happy one. You might find that you can get your intellectual connection with other friends, would that be enough for you? This is the time to be very honest with yourself. What do you want from a mate? Does he match up? No matter how sweet and cuddly he is now, if hes not what youre looking for you will be disappointed in the future. Search your heart and listen to what your feelings tell you. They will probably be right. Feelings dont lie but our intellect lies to us all the time. Thats where you will find your answer about what to do. Glenn Glenn Pressel, LMFT, LMHC is a therapist in private practice in Seattle, his number is (206) 324-9378. Send questions to gapressel@msn.com or 3136 E. Madison, Ste. #100, Seattle, WA 98112. Please screen letters for identifying information.