June 9, 2006
Volume 34
Issue 23
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Saturday, May 30, 2020



BARELY LEGAL - A LOVE STORY - A theatrical work not based on the porn magazine at The Spitfire
BARELY LEGAL - A LOVE STORY - A theatrical work not based on the porn magazine at The Spitfire
by Maggie Bloodstone - SGN A&E Writer

Truthfully, I came to this show not intending to review it, but to relax and escape the ninth circle of Hades that is the week before the SGN's Pride issue, but after my second Jack Daniels & coke, and a cattle stampede performed in slo-mo to the accompaniment of The Flower Song from Lakme, I was oddly moved to share my experience&what I can recall without benefit of notes, so bear in mind I may or may have not hallucinated the following:

I recall&a naked woman (a body suit with Fantasy Unltd. plastic tits & ass, actually) pulverizing a banana split with a club, and a cute teddybearish character identified as 'Sasquatch' repairing the devastated dessert. A pair of cowpokes looking like the stars of Brokeback Mountain 2: The Folsom Street Years around a campfire while a statuesque dominatrix lip-syncs their discussion on poetry. Then Sasquatch rides by on a motorcycle with the naked lady, and her mother, a Marianne Sagebrecht lookalike, name of Trina Papadopolis, falls in love with the pursuing cop, officer Ploppy. And then the 911 operators seduce one of the cowboys-not the one in the blue lame' chaps, the one dressed like Jack Palance from Shane, just before a cow and a horse have just the cutest scene ever before going offstage to engage in interspecies relations. And they all live happily ever after.

No, not really-in the 2nd act, the cowboys skydive, and it looks like blue lame' chaps' chute is broken, then it cuts to Sasquatch and naked girl, who have a spat, I think because Sasquatch doesn't think she looks fat, and Trina and Officer Ploppy discover sadmasochism. Then, there's a dancing harmonica, and the Jack Palance cowboy tries to get the 911 operators, who ended up going with each other in Act 1, to notice him by pretending to shoot a roomful of nuns and orphans, and naked lady and blue lame' cowboy (who used to be an item before she hit him with a dog) get together, and at the end, there's a really cute real live bunny rabbit named Thunder.

I definitely remember laughing my ass off through approximately 98% of the evening, uniformly terrific performances, energetic, inventive staging (not counting the flat that fell over in the middle of Act 2-but even that was okay), unapologetically silly yet weirdly affecting dialog, and an overall sensibility straight out of the best theater of the absurd (but with an actual point) with a solid foundation of sketch-comedy chops by way of The Firesign Theater. And Marzipan. I remember them talking about Marzipan a lot.

Barely Legal: A Love Story, written & directed by Mok Moser, plays June 9, 10, 16, 17, 23 & 24, at The Spitfire, 2219 4th Ave., 7:30 pm. Check for tickets. Go.

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