March 23, 2007
Volume 35
Issue 12
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Friday, Jun 05, 2020



Sex Talk by Simon Shepard
Intergenerational kink
by Simon Sheppard - SGN A&E Writer

"I really enjoy topping old guys in SM scenes," says an attractive, somewhat sadistic 33-year-old guy. "I like the fact that they're mature and have their acts together - at least presumably - but I get to do all sorts of nasty stuff to them."

Sure, just the idea of a young man having sex with someone old enough to be his father may be inexplicable to some, even icky to others. But add kinky sex into the mix and the result can be edgily, explosively orgasmic. Continues our young top, "Older men are supposed to be the dominant ones, so when I work over a daddy, it's really hot for me..." He smiles. "...even if I'm just doing what he wants me to."

Yes, when there's an age differential in power-based scenes, traditionally it's the older fellow who ends up dominantly doing the tying up, the spanking, and the like. That's not always due just to chronological stereotypes. Often, older fellows have gained the technical knowledge and emotional insight it takes to be an excellent SM top, and it's a truism that most great doms start out at the bottom. The 33-year-old confesses, "Even though I usually like to be the one in control, I've certainly learned a lot by subbing for older men. Hell, if it weren't for one mentor in his 60s, I'd have no idea how to flog somebody."

Intergenerational hanky-panky need not be painful, of course. Playing out incest fantasies is common among different-aged couples, and just the transgressive nature of feigning the forbidden can make things fabulously hot. One middle-aged man says, "I can't tell you the number of times I've been called 'Dad' or 'Father' or - if the bottom boy is a bit reluctant - 'Uncle.' And how much it turns me on."

Incest play can be as simple as a single family-focused verbal endearment, or it might involve protracted role-playing. Says another daddy type, "My steady partner, who's about 20 years younger than me, likes to pretend that he's home from college, and that I sneak into his bedroom at night and take advantage of him. Or else that I come home from work and he, um, helps me unwind."

Though such scenes are just pretend, they can cut close to the bone while giving guys a boner. Observes one veteran of the age-play scene, "A lot of kink has its roots in childhood, and it's no secret that many Gay men have issues with their real-life fathers. Dealing with that in an erotic context can be both hot and therapeutic."

But intergenerational kinkiness can be thornier than a bed of rocks-off roses. The veteran observer adds, "Let's say that a man was physically abused by his father, and now he gets off being slapped around by older men in daddy/boy scenes. Is that a healthy way of turning childhood pain into adult pleasure? Or is it a dysfunctional fixation on past trauma? Or maybe it's both? And if all parties involved enjoy themselves, does all that really matter?"

Like many other sex-centered questions, the intricacies of intergenerational kink may be too complicated for easy answers. In the larger world, older men on the hunt for young flesh are derided as lust-ridden lechers, while youngsters into more mature men are sometimes seen as gold diggers, or just plain screwed up. Some older men who only want a younger man's affection find themselves dishing out abuse instead. And not every young man wants to be a "boy." As one young vanilla fella says, "My attraction to older men doesn't mean that I like being dominated or treated like somebody's horny son. It's just that I'm more attracted to men at least a decade older than me."

And though both youth and age have intrinsic power, not every young fellow is beautiful, not every mature man rich or strong. But every young guy is young, and every older guy is older.

But if you seek to span the generation gap, preferably with an erection, take heart. Whether you're a 20-something enchanted by the idea of being tied to a bondage board while a gang of older guys uses your mouth, or a sexy senior whose idea of fun is administering disciplinary spankings, there's someone out there who'd be hornily happy to make your fantasies come true. As our 33-year-old says, "Just give me a daddy who craves a bit of abuse, and I'm happy."

Simon Sheppard is the author of Sex Parties 101, Kinkorama, and In Deep: Erotic Stories, and can be reached at Visit Simon at

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