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Monday, Oct 06, 2008
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Avoid Cloverfield like the plague |
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| Avoid Cloverfield like the plague | ||
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by Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid -
SGN A&E Writer CLOVERFIELD OPENING JANUARY 18 I hate people who talk more than they listen, and I hate people who never shut up, and I hate films where the camera jumps around a lot. So, I truly and definitely hate Cloverfield, which has all of the above and absolutely no plot. Okay, that last isn't entirely true, there is a sort of plot, in that an (at first) invisible monster attacks Manhattan and causes tremendous chaos. Oh, and some very irritating young New Yorkers are having a goodbye party to say sayonara to a friend who's shipping off for some job in Japan. There, now you know everything that there is to know about Cloverfield, because other than those few facts, there isn't really much else this film is "about." The film is produced by Lost director J.J. Abrams (which only will mean something if you've actually watched that show, which I haven't ), and from what I've heard via many comedians' take on the show, this muddled mess that is Cloverfield is what this guy does best. Nothing makes any sense - who goes up on the roof of a building having heard that there's just been an earthquake? - and the characters would make Jesus want to kill them, seriously. Mostly there's a guy with a camera, Hud (played by no-name actor T.J. Vogel), who is supposed to be recording the goodbye party. This turns into him recording the ensuing chaos after the first strike by the aforementioned monster/thingie, which turns into what feels like an eternity of watching the most unloveable characters ever created run, scream and act like complete ninnies. This film isn't actually four hours long, but believe me, after enduring the screening last weekend with a capacity crowd (some of whom made rather interesting comments during the worst parts of the film) it felt like it. It almost reminded me of that commercial where the guy is trying to rent a hotel room, and the one maid he questions, answers with "there's a bed, some tables, and the television has video games." You know, nothing special here, fella. So, all of that being said, should you plunk over hard-earned cash to watch an obsessed guy run through the mayhem to rescue his nearly dead girlfriend (who gets buried with him in the end of this tripe), and to finally see the monster (the only interesting thing in this crapola)? No, no and double no with a cherry on top. Heck, I wouldn't even rent this piece of garbage on video, unless someone else was paying for it. And again I beg good writers to start working again, because if they do, maybe we'll all be saved from watching another Blair Witch Project wannabe like Cloverfield, and wanting to shoot the actors after it's over. |
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