General Gayety - Unreal: The Haggards on reality TV
 

Seattle Gay News
Mobile Edition
rss: SGN Calendar For Mobile Phones http://sgn.org/rssCalendarMobile.xml



SGN Mobile Front Page

SGN ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT SECTION

MOVIE REVIEWS
CALENDAR
NORTHWEST NEWS CALENDAR
CLASSIFIED

click here to go to the main SGN website

 

posted Friday, October 7, 2011 - Volume 39 Issue 40

General Gayety - Unreal: The Haggards on reality TV
by Leslie Robinson - SGN Contributing Writer

By now you've heard - if maybe not believed - that disgraced preacher Ted Haggard and his wife Gayle will appear on Celebrity Wife Swap. Actor Gary Busey and his baby-mama Steffanie Sampson are scheduled to be the other fun couple.

I have to think Gayle Haggard had major qualms about participating. I can just hear her praying over the subject:


'Oh Lord, I need your guidance. Unless I'm very much mistaken, I married a jackass.

'No, Lord, I didn't mean that. Please forgive me. I'm just so & tired. I've gone through trial after trial. Ted having sex with a male prostitute and using drugs. The shame we endured on an international scale. Being banished from Colorado and forced to live in the wilderness, otherwise known as Phoenix.

'But I didn't give up on my marriage, no sir. I chose to forgive him. You walked me through the slow healing of my heart. I love him more than ever now. But he still knows how to irritate the you-know-what out of me.

'Can you believe he wants to do this? There must be a lot of money in it. Between you and me, Ted made a lousy insurance salesman. He's not so hot at anything, except preaching. If we're going to make a go of our new church here in Colorado Springs, we do need money. Pews aren't cheap.

'Honest to goodness, when he said the show was about celebrities swapping, I thought he meant recipes.

'I know Ted loves TV and the spotlight, but Lord, last I knew, wife-swapping counted as a big sin. I mean, it's on the order of worshipping a Beanie Baby instead of you.

'Your rule is that marriage is between one man and one woman - and once in a while, a faggot on the side. Oh, I'm so sorry, God. Even I surrender to the occasional cynical moment.

'But really, these last years have been all about rebuilding our marriage, our trust in each other, and our faith in you. Doesn't this seem like we'd be treating all that too casually?

'Ted says we'd show all the people watching how a marriage can hit rock bottom, but come back to life. We'd be ministering to viewers by modeling godly ways. Just how godly can I be under the same roof with Gary Busey?

'Sweet Jesus! Gary Busey! Why don't they just add in Charlie Sheen and we can have a real party?

'I realize, God, there's no sex involved in this swapping. I wouldn't even be considering it if there were. Neither would Ted & I hope.

'Things can happen, though, like innuendo and ugliness. And Busey has a brain injury. If he puts a finger on me, I promise I'll emulate Jael and drive a tent peg through his head. I don't care if it hurts the ratings. Actually, it would probably help them.

'I should really be more Christian toward Gary, shouldn't I? He may be a bad boy, a recovering drug addict, and have a child out of wedlock, but I know first-hand how cruel and unforgiving people can be to sinners. Isn't Gary a minister with Promise Keepers? As long as he keeps his promises on the set, we'll be fine.

'Lord, if this is what Ted wants and thinks is best, I'll go along. But I can't help wishing he'd been approached by a different show, like Dancing With the Stars. If they have a Gay man and a Transgender something-or-other this season, why not a powerful minister ruined by a Gay sex scandal next season? He has two left feet, but I'll keep quiet about that if you will.'

Leslie Robinson doubts she has the stomach to watch the show. E-mail her at lesarobinson@gmail.com, and for an assortment of giggles, visit her blog at www.generalgayety.com.



next story
Pentagon: Chaplains may officiate over same-sex weddings
------------------------------
Seattle adds Transgender health care to employee benefits
------------------------------
Obama headlines 15th Annual HRC National Dinner on Oct. 1
------------------------------
One Anchorage files initiative application for legal protections
------------------------------
Victory in Kennewick
------------------------------
House Republicans slash AIDS funding, triple money to defend DOMA
------------------------------
Columbia City Bakery Sells 'Equality Cookies'
------------------------------
Federal Bureau of Prisons makes major change in Transgender medical policy
------------------------------
Labor backs Occupy Seattle
------------------------------
James Buchanan: America's first Gay president?
------------------------------
William Rufus King: First Gay U.S. vice president?
------------------------------
Serbian police ban Gay Pride and anti-Gay demo
Pride organizers respond with flashmob
Six anti-Gay extremists arrested

------------------------------
Seychelles and Palau agree to decriminalize Gay sex
------------------------------
Saving critical family planning programs and taxpayer money
------------------------------
General Gayety - Unreal: The Haggards on reality TV
------------------------------
New report on human rights violations in Iran
------------------------------
BREAKING NEWS
------------------------------
Uganda's only Gay bar closes
------------------------------
Gov. Jerry Brown signs bill restricting ballot initiative to November elections
------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------
It's a Setback, Not a Breakthrough
------------------------------
San Diego considers an openly gay GOP mayor
------------------------------
Denied Veterans Benefits Over Same-Sex Marriage, Ex-Sailor Challenges Law
------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------
Gov. Jerry Brown signs bill restricting ballot initiative to November elections
------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------

------------------------------
 
search SGN
SERVING SEATTLE AND THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST FOR 36 YEARS!