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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, August,9 2013 - Volume 41 Issue 32
Kiki with D - Time for a trade-in?
Section One
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Kiki with D - Time for a trade-in?

by D Smith - Special to the SGN

Dear D, My current FWB is starting to get a little boring. Things are kind of routine between us and with Pride coming up, I think I would like to try someone new. My FWB is sensitive and I'm hoping you'll have some words that would allow me to let him down easy. - Trying to Care When I Really Don't

Dear Trying,

Wow, you have truly opened my eyes to an entirely new world! Thank you for that. You know, until I received your e-mail I had no clue how common this is. Please forgive me; I had to do some research on this one. I thought I was up on the new trends of the latest and greatest.

This was a very interesting journey into a world on sexual freedom that I had no clue existed. I can appreciate the fact that you have taken things out of the original context of being friends. However, once you cross the line to become something more, are you really still friends or are you something else? Identify what you now have with this person. If you call them your friend, you care enough or value them enough not to hurt them - otherwise, why would you be asking me for advice?

I feel that this is a way to quickly make you feel comfortable with a person, at least comfortable enough to have sex with them under the ruse and illusion that you are friends. If this person is your friend, why would you place them in this kind of situation? We are to look out for our friends and support them - making sure that no harm comes their way and help to make life easier for them.

Friendship is to be valued and treasured. I don't see how that is facilitated by this type of relationship. In the spirit of true brother-and-sisterhood, how are we encouraging camaraderie in these types of actions? With DOMA's demise we have made leaps and bounds toward equality. This is truly a time to celebrate. Let us not downplay that with showing such disregard for the movement.

But if you are done with your FWB and you want to move on, let him know that he can take this time to find someone who will value, treasure, and treat him the way he deserves. He can now find that special someone to make a life with and enjoy all that life has to offer.

Sorry, if this is harsh, but it's time to get real. Life waits for no one. You have to seize the moment. If you don't want to love him, allow and respect him enough to find the one who will. Take pride in the movement, not just the celebration. Remember why we are celebrating.

Hope this helps. And as always, stay positive and remember to encourage yourself! - D

Dear D,

So I have a female friend who I'm digging a lot and when we hang out we have a great time. Sounds good, right? NOT! This woman is harder to gauge then most women I've dated. We'll hang out a couple times and then I don't hear from her. Everybody says to not hit her up again until she hits me, but when she did it was because - as she put it - she was bored. I'm thinking this could be a test.

Anyway, she also said she was moving this weekend and I offered to help. Her response was, 'Can I get $200 for storage?' I'm like, damn, we only hung out like twice! I do like her, but I'm honestly feeling like a sucker. Is this a game? Should I peace her out or what? - Kanye


Dear Kanye,

A friend in need is a friend indeed. It is my pleasure to be here for you in a time of need. Like most things in life, when it comes to dating, time is the best teacher. The more time you spend with a person, the more you get to know about them. I always trust my gut. My intuition is hardly ever wrong. However, that's me. If you feel like you are being played, maybe you are, or maybe not. Maybe things are just moving fast for her but not fast enough for you. It sounds like there is more to this story than what's being told. Time to investigate, and what better way to do that than getting the inside scoop? If you are not ready to cut your losses and move on, I have an idea I would like you to ponder.

Think about how much you would spend on an average date. Offer that amount to her, if you feel that $200 would be too much to ask of a person you have only known a short period of time. Also, offer to help her move. This shows your willingness to be there for her in her time of need. Not to mention it won't bust your pockets either. Take time to look at how she reacts and what she says when you make her this offer. It will tell you everything you need to know.

The truth is, if she is not talking there is not too much to go on. In the future, I would encourage you to engage in conversation that will allow you to get to know her better. Ask her open-ended questions that allow her to elaborate on things, not ones with yes or no answers. This will give you an opportunity to know more about her.

Sometimes things are not what they seem. Remember, there is something you like about her, or you wouldn't be longing to spend more time with her. Just take your time in getting to know her and only do what you can. Don't over-extend yourself - it's still new. Enjoy this time, no need to rush it. Let us not forget all good things come to those who wait.

Hope this helps. Remember, always be true to you, stay positive and always encourage yourself! - D

Life's problems bringing you down? Have a burning question? Can't tell your girlfriend? Hit me up! KikiwithD@hush.com.

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