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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, December 20 2013 - Volume 41 Issue 51
Who should pay?
Section One
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Who should pay?

by D Smith - SGN Contributing Writer

Dear Kiki With D,

I'm a single, 30-year-old Gay male. Saturday night before last, I met a guy who's 12 years my senior. We spoke on the phone a few times, and on Monday he was persistent and asked me out to dinner.

When the bill came, he paid just his half. I was taken aback by this. Since he invited me, shouldn't he have at least offered to pay the whole bill?

Granted, I'm not someone who expects others to pay my way; however, good manners and etiquette dictate that the inviter/host should have paid or offered to pay. I would have offered to pay my half or the whole thing.

Am I being too old-fashioned, or does etiquette not apply to Gay relationships where the passive (female) and active (male) roles do not apply?

Also, did my having him go with me to the ATM (I was short on cash and had a feeling something like this might happen) affect his decision in not offering to pay?

He's interested in me, but I don't know if I should pursue this relationship. Good manners mean a lot to me, and I don't know if I can introduce him to my friends and family. After all, the first impression tells you a lot about a person.

- Mixed Signals


Dear Mixed Signals,

First impressions are very important. Now let's take a look at his possible first impression of you. For him, his was of you at the ATM right before dinner. The gentleman likely assumed that either you intended to pay for your meal, or you were planning a quick getaway afterward.

You are correct that the person initiating the invitation should pay. Please forget about that active-passive angle. Everyone else has.

Your new friend could easily have been confused by your actions and not wanted to offend. I suggest you give him the benefit of the doubt and invite him on another date. This time you should pay - and if he protests, say, 'No, no, I invited you.' If he is the gentleman you hope him to be, he will understand for next time.

This will give you the opportunity to re-evaluate the situation.

Hope this helps. Remember, be true to you, love yourself, encourage yourself and others.

- D

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