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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, February 21 2014 - Volume 42 Issue 08
I had no idea it was coming
Section One
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I had no idea it was coming

Dear Kiki with D,

I was in a year-long relationship with a wonderful man - up until a month ago, when he decided to tell me (the day before our one-year anniversary) that he 'found someone else.' I had no idea it was coming. We never really fought and he never expressed any concerns about our relationship. Everything was grand in my eyes. Needless to say I was shocked and speechless and left very quickly, so I never got a chance to respond in any intelligent way, or hear any further explanation on his part.

I do not want this person back. I don't really hold a grudge against him; he didn't love me and I know that I can't force him to feel something that's not there. It stinks but I am dealing with it as best I can.

Fast forward a month and I am still not over it. The problem is that he sent me a message that he wants to 'talk things over' sometime soon. I'm assuming that he wants to explain his side of what happened. We were pretty close friends for a few years before we started a relationship.

I'm just not sure that I see the point in hearing his side of the story. It would be nice to get a better understanding so I stop feeling responsible or silly for not having picked up the signs, but at this point does it really matter?

Do you think it is worth it to try and hear out what he has to say? Or should I put the past in the past and just accept it as it is - over. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

-Left


Dear Left,

I hope you know that a month is nothing. A month is a blip. Even if you're not holding a grudge against this guy, you're allowed to feel bummed out and disappointed for a while.

As for meeting up with him, there's no right answer (sorry). If you do see him, it's possible that you'll wind up confused - or hear an answer you don't like. And if you don't see him, you'll have to wonder what he might have disclosed.

My advice is to tell him that you're not ready to meet up right now, but that you might be in the future. Take your time with this decision. Also tell him that if he needs to get something off his chest right now, he can email you.

You don't have to make any plans on his timeline. Wait until you are in a better space to make decisions like this one. Understand that you have to take time to heal from what just occurred. You have to take this time for you. You're in charge now.

Hope this helps. Remember be true to you, love yourself, encourage yourself and others.

-D

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