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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, March 7 2014 - Volume 42 Issue 10
Kiki with D
Section One
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Kiki with D

Will I ever get over him?

Dear Kiki with D,

I can't get over my First Love. We might as well refer to him as Voldemort, because my friends swear I should never mention his name again. I am 24 now, and we broke up over three years ago. Yes, we started dating in high school. In total, we were on and off for almost four years.

Our last break up was actually my decision for once. I became suspicious that he was more interested in someone else and it turned out that I was right.

He has been with his new boyfriend ever since, and I think of him on a daily basis. I can't help it. If I were ever given the chance to ever be with him again, I would take it in a heartbeat. I have tried to date other guys since, but always seems to compare them to my ex.

I can't progress past the first few dates because of this. Anytime a guy is interested in me, I keep them at a distance. I eventually go on to tell them that I don't feel a connection.

My sister tells me I am too picky and should just try to 'settle down.'

-Will I Ever Get Over Him?




Dear Will I Ever Get Over Him?

Well, your sister is wrong. You don't need to settle down. But you do need to remind yourself that no one wants to be with Voldemort. You're confusing grief and rejection with desire. You can be sad about the way things ended without wanting him back.

It's time to start thinking of him as your high school boyfriend. Because that's what he is - your first love (lower case). He's an important part of your history, but he's not your end game. Keep going on dates and expanding your peer group, so that you're exposed to new people on a regular basis. The bigger you make your world, the smaller he'll seem.

And for the record, your friends are right to limit the Voldemort talk. They should be there for you and listen, but they should also stop you from making your ex more important than he is. Sounds like they're doing a good job. Remember this is not the end of your story this is the beginning. The wonderful mystery of life sometimes is just living it. Try thinking of each day as a new adventure and you are up to the challenge. Enjoy each moment; live each day as if it's your last. It's OK to take some risk as long as you are cautious and careful. You have to live in the present not the past.

Hope this helps. Remember - be true to you, love yourself, encourage yourself and others.

-D

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