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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, May 9 2014 - Volume 42 Issue 19
Kiki with D
Section One
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Kiki with D

Dear Kiki with D,

I recently met someone on a dating app that I've really connected with. Over time we've gone from messages to Facebook to texting to finally meeting. We've hung out several times since then. This person is extremely respectful toward me, supportive, sensitive, and very ambitious. We've discussed anything and everything. We've met each other's closest friends and have spent a lot of time really getting to know each other. It's been fantastic.

There's only one problem. Technically this person is taken - they're in an open relationship. They were totally honest from the get-go and I have allowed myself to wind up in this position.

I find myself wanting more for obvious reasons and have been honest regarding my insecurities about the situation. They've been receptive to this and have shared that they're unsure what their next steps are at this point. The significant other resides in a different state for career purposes and it's unclear if they'll move back.

There are so many unknowns. Friends say I should stick it out and see what happens. This person says they would understand if I walked away, but that it would destroy them.

Am I an idiot for thinking they'll break up? Do I walk away? Do I hang on and see what happens? Help.

-In love and undecided



Dear In love and undecided,

You have to walk away from this. You're on your way to becoming a placeholder, which is no good for anyone. You're too invested in this new relationship to pretend that you can be casual or share. You have to remember this person is not yours, he was promised to someone before you came along. He is Mr. Right now, and right now the reality of the situation is he has two people in his life and you are playing second to someone else who is not present.

Now it's possible that they'll break up, but waiting around for this person to make decisions won't move this along. You can't sit and stew about your future while this person enjoys two significant others. You have to ask yourself "Is that really what you want to do?" It makes one wonder what brought it to this point... open relationship... and would you want the same for your life?

Explain that you must end the relationship because after meeting friends and getting to know each other, you want more.

This person might rally... or not. Either way, you'll get your answer.

Hope this helps. Remember be true to you, love yourself, encourage yourself and others.

-D

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