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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, May 16 2014 - Volume 42 Issue 20
Kiki with D
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Kiki with D

Dear Kiki with D,

My ex officially dumped me about eight months ago. I say 'officially' because last year he played with my emotions and constantly went back and forth about wanting to stay together or break up. We were together for five years - much emotional abuse on both our parts and physical abuse on his part. The relationship was TOXIC.

Fast forward: I am doing well in all ways, I do not feel miserable anymore, and I am actually smiling often. The issue: He continues to contact me sporadically through text messages and phone calls. Whenever he tries to reach out, he claims it's because he wants to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Once he 'apologizes,' he goes on to talk about his new 'friend.' (He cheated on me while we were still in the midst of a break-up and he was fully aware he was still with me.) He tends to go on and on about how great his life is now, how his family enjoys his new 'friend' more than me, and blah, blah, blah.

My question: Why would someone do this? After causing me so much grief for so long, why continue to contact me, give a lame apology, and then talk about how awesome your life is going? Mind you, this man is in his mid-30s. Is it a myth then that older men are more mature?

-Tired of the Bull in Bremerton

Dear Tired of the Bull in Bremerton,

It's not surprising that a toxic relationship has become a toxic breakup. That's often how it goes. His behavior should remind you that you're better off. Really, would you want to continue to have someone like this in your life? Remember you have moved on, so, keep moving forward.

It's time to let him go - for real - which means no more answering calls or texts. Maybe block his number. Really, there's nothing left to say. Also consider getting some therapy - you knew that was coming, right? It's fantastic that you feel great, but it's always helpful to have a professional guide you through the aftermath of an abusive relationship.

Time to do some self-cleaning and get your mind in the best place it can be - focused on you and your new life.

This isn't about maturity; it's about kindness and empathy. Your ex is all about satisfying himself. You don't have to indulge him. So, don't! Move on and be happy in your new life and remember to live!

Hope this helps. Remember be true to you, love yourself, encourage yourself and others.

-D

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