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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, August 15 2014 - Volume 42 Issue 33
Kiki with D
Section One
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Kiki with D

I'm having doubts

Dear Kiki with D,

I've been in a relationship for six months now and told my boyfriend that I love him. He had said that he loved me three times, but then out of the blue he tells me that he needs to take a step back and evaluate what he is truly feeling. I instantly got a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach when he said that. I thought that he was just scared because these feelings are new to him. I tried to be understanding and patient, but in doing so I have created a lot of doubt about whether or not I want to continue with this relationship.

He has told me that he loves me, but I don't know if it's genuine or if he says it to make me happy and to keep me around. I try to explain how I am feeling or what I am going through in trying to get past what he had said to me, but I can't help having those doubts in the back of my mind. I find myself being very hesitant about moving forward in this relationship because I don't want to invest if he's just going to tell me that he wants to take a step back again.

My friends say that I should just break it off with him, but I care very much for him and I don't want to lose him. I truly love this guy. I just need some advice on how to get past this doubt that is keeping me from moving forward.

-Insecure in Seattle



Dear Insecure in Seattle,

Find out what he means when he says he wants to take a step back. If he simply wants to refrain from saying 'I love you' until he knows he's in it for the long haul, that's fine. You've only been together for six months, which is a short amount of time. As long as he wants to keep showing up and getting to know you, you're good.

If taking a step back means that he wants to be less committed than he is now, break things off. At this point in the relationship, he shouldn't want less of you. He should want to figure you out. He should be smitten.

His intentions are more important than whether he's ready to say those three words. Go ask him for some clarity. Remember, communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be clear and concise about how you are feeling and ask him to do the same. Don't let a miscommunication ruin a good thing as long as the commitment is there.

Hope this helps. Remember be true to you, love yourself, encourage yourself and others.

-D

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