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Oct 28, 2005
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Volume 33
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The Reel Spin

HALLOWEEN HORROR AND HILARITY PUT DVD IN OVERDRIVE
I'm not a big follower of the horror genre. I find all kinds of things - holding my newborn niece, driving on I-5, visiting my Republican parents - way scarier than the average slasher flick. For instance, thanks to my personal acting trinity of evil of Sean Penn, Uma Thurman and Jim Carrey, I once proclaimed that my idea of hell was an endless screening of a (fictional) film called Kill the Eternally Mystic Spotless River Vol. 3. So what scares me may not scare you so much as scar you for life. It's too bad that Hellbent has already left local screens, but here goes. HIGH TENSION (2005, FRENCH) Although the folks who love - and I mean love - Haute Tension insist that the film is a masterpiece as long as it's viewed in its original language (the dubbing is awful), I say it's a stinker no matter how you phrase it. The set-up is pretty basic: Marie is a young college student off for a vacation in the country with her pal Alex. Unfortunately there's a crazy guy with a straight razor headed for the rural farmhouse Marie is visiting. Unfortunate, not because Marie has to play hide and seek with a killer, but because those chases are brainless and the killings are indiscriminate. Oh, it's gorier than heck, so if that's your criteria then have at it. And there is some tension, sure; I jumped in my seat a few times. And even though some of the cinematography is nice and the editing is clever (the flubbed dubs and inconsistent subtitles notwithstanding), ultimately the ending is a major trick on the audience, even for those like moi who are paying attention. If you're a die-hard, go for it, but don't invite me over for your bloody party. Yuck. HOUSE OF WAX (2005) Put it this way: when you're out camping, en route to a football game, would you like to have your car stall near a creepy town? Me neither. Neither would I venture into any establishment featuring waxy scenes of horror, not even Mme Toussaud's in London, for chrissakes. No, this is not a true remake of the Vincent Price 1953 film. No, Paris doesn't say the wax is "hot," not even once. And is it worth knowing that Paris Hilton didn't have to audition in order to die in this film? Apparently the rest of the cast was built around her. Take that, Chad Michael Murray (One Tree Hill) and Jared Padalecki (Gilmore Girls, Supernatural) - if that news doesn't stifle your WB-pretensions then nothing will. Oh, yeah, and Elisha Cuthbert (The Girl Next Door) is in it, too. That said, House of Wax is a surprisingly okay piece of horror entertainment. Sure, it's predictable. Sure, the ending isn't as interesting - or as plausible - as you'd like. And for some reason most of it's really, really dark (as in "I can barely make out what's happening on the screen" dark, not as in "ironic attempt at making a horror flick commentary on society" dark). But it moves along well, once the scenes are established, and the gore will make you cover your eyes at key points. What more do you need? The fact that it's slightly better than average is the surprising part. SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004) Yea! A horror movie that doesn't take itself so seriously! I know, you really want a good horror movie, not a spoof. But Shaun of the Dead is better than a spoof, which can only take the basics of a genre and amplify them until it's awash in absurdity (see Psycho Beach Party, below, if that's more your style). Shaun, on the other hand, is deliberately, and deliciously, funny, all the while respecting the zombie genre by amping up the suspense and body count. Shaun (Simon Pegg) works a dead-end job at a Radio-Shack-like store. He spends most of his spare time at the local pub or playing video games with his unemployed roommate, Ed (Nick Frost), much to the chagrin of his long-suffering girlfriend, Liz (Kate Ashfield). One day Liz decides she's had enough of his lazy ass and decides to leave him. Although Shaun barely notices at first that the city has been taken over by the living dead, he decides it's the perfect opportunity to prove himself to Liz and win her back. That he also gets to keep his mum, Barbara, from being eaten by his step-dad (Bill Nighy, Love Actually) who's slowly turning into a zombie, is a major plus. Lots of extras may move this DVD on to my "best of 2005" list. PSYCHO BEACH PARTY (2001) Take one part Beach Blanket Bingo, one part Gidget and a couple parts (at least) of The Three Faces of Eve, and you might approach the wacky hijinks that make up Psycho Beach Party. While not quite as successful as Charles Busch's other film foray, Die Mommie Die, at matching parody with plot, this is a fun spoof of teen movies past. Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under) is Florence "Chicklet" Forrest. She's a surfing groupie who insists that girls should be able to do the same things as boys like Starcat (Nicholas Brendon Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and his buddies. But what about Chicklet's alter-ego, Anne Bowen, the dominatrix? I'm pretty sure that surfing is not high on her to-do list. Of course, a string of murders seems to follow Chicklet's inconvenient blackouts. Is she the killer? And what's going on between the glamorous police investigator (Charles Busch himself as Captain Monica) and the head beach boy, Kanaka (Thomas Gibson)? There's the ubiquitous dance-off scene, a masked group of musicians playing their instruments on the beach, and Charles Busch delivering great lines, with his infamous campy drawl. ("I don't like the way ya talk. I don't like the way ya walk. Don't like ya haircut. You kids think ya own this beach - think it's a teenage world. Well, you're dead wrong!") Man oh man, this cult classic is going into my library!


House of Wax


Shaun Of The Dead


Psycho Beach Party

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