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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, March 23, 2018 - Volume 46 Issue 12
Crazy right-wing lawyer loses suit to marry his laptop
Section One
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Crazy right-wing lawyer loses suit to marry his laptop

The computer wasn't old enough, state's attorney said

by Mike Andrew - SGN Staff Writer

Right-wing lawyer Chris Sevier lost his legal bid to marry his laptop on March 20, when a federal district judge ordered a Utah state court to dismiss his case.

Sevier filed suit shortly after the US Supreme Court ruling in Obergefell legalized same-sex marriages nationwide. Since same-sex marriages would be merely 'parody forms' of 'real' marriage, he claimed, he should have the right to a parody marriage of his own, namely to his laptop.

Sevier later amended his suit to include the claims of John Gunter, Jr., and Whitney Kohl, who sought the right to enter into a polygamous marriage.

When a Utah magistrate judge refused to marry Sevier and his beloved laptop, he sued in federal court, asserting a 14th Amendment equal protection right to marry the object of his affections.

Although the State of Utah opposed marriage equality during litigation, Utah Attorney General David Wolf said he would continue to defend the state's laws.

'Prior to Obergefell, same-sex individuals did not have the right to marry. The attorney general took the position he would defend the law as expressed by the people of Utah,' he said.

'After Obergefell, the law of the land is same-sex couples have the constitutional right to marry. Our office defends the law.'

In addition, Wolf told federal judge David Nuffer, Sevier's laptop was less than 15 years old, and therefore could not be legally married in the state of Utah.

In his ruling, Nuffer ordered the Utah magistrate judge to toss Sevier's case, saying Sevier was not interested in marrying his laptop but wanted instead overturn marriage equality.

Sevier told Fox 13 News he was appealing the decision.

'Other plaintiffs will come behind us to sue the State once again, only this time they will not be pleading in the alternative under the 14th Amendment to expand marriage to other parody forms if the Court wants to continue to advance the ploy and the unprincipled misapplication of the 14th Amendment that is the hallmark of Obergefell,' he said in a statement.

'The District Court in our case is guilty of perpetrating constitutional, political, and judicial malpractice.

'The Utah District Court is immensely dishonest and untrustworthy.

'Because the Court perpetrated dereliction of duties owed to the United States Constitution, we will be pressuring oversight to remove the District Court judges from office for cause.'

The laptop suit is not Sevier's first bizarre news-making stunt.

He was previously charged with stalking and harassing both country star John Rich and a 17-year-old girl.

Sevier also has been charged with failure to pay child support and violating a restraining order by communicating with his former wife. The order resulted from Sevier's 2011 arrest and conviction for assaulting his father-in-law.

In 2013, he sued Apple for selling him a computer without preinstalled pornography filters. He claims this led to an addiction and dissolution of his marriage to a woman.

'The Plaintiff began desiring younger, more beautiful girls featured in porn videos than his wife, who was no longer 21,' his complaint read.

He did not say whether his supposed computer porn addiction led to his romance with the laptop.

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