After spending ten years in the Secret Service, the last thing Cory Allen thought he'd do was write a book. "I had no experience [writing]," he recalled.
Although Allen lacked that kind of professional history, he was well known for crafting thoughtful and poignant Facebook posts. Then, following a low point in his personal life, he explored reflective journaling more seriously.
"I wrote a Facebook post about what I was doing and what I was suffering through, despite all outward appearances," he said. "I was living this amazing, lavish life, traveling the world surrounded by A-list people and worldly, powerful individuals. But on the inside, I was hurting a lot. I put it all out there. I received amazing feedback and support from friends."
Around the same time, he was also working with one of the most powerful women in the world and seeing just how impactful honest storytelling could be. "Coming off the heels of Michelle Obama's Becoming book tour, I was with her traveling the world. I saw the power of what she was doing. People connecting and relating," he remembered.
"I am not comparing myself to Michelle Obama in any way, shape, or form, but to see how cathartic it was for her, and to hear the stories and be present while all of that was going on was pretty impactful."
Following that, Allen settled down in California. It was a lonely period but rich in reflective opportunities. "I lived in Fresno, California, for about six months," he said. "I didn't know anybody. It was just me and my dog. I thought this was a great opportunity to sit down and get it out of my mind and onto paper. It just began in my phone as a note, things I would like to explore, whether it was divorce, relationships, or moving. [Writing] just became the vehicle for that."
Reflection
Allen realized that he had lost himself in his career. "I was married to my job, my career, and the beast that is Washington DC," he said. "I had been on the go for 10—15 years, a very critical point in my life, and I had not allowed myself time to stop and think and process everything that had occurred in that long period."
Writing gave him the time and space to reflect on his decade of service and how his dedication to his career had contributed to his identity, his divorce, and his perception of the world. Though he had hit a breaking point before starting his memoir, he was finally able to begin the process of healing through the written word.
"It was cathartic for me to write. It's healing," he said. "When I set out to do it, that was my original intent. My ten years in the Secret Service went by in a blur, and I was like, 'How do I try to capture some of this but also process stuff I hadn't done?' So, I wrote it for myself first."
What started as a reflection on his career quickly evolved into an examination of his whole life, from childhood trauma to young adult struggles with his sexuality.
"That exposed a lot of vulnerabilities in me," he recalled. "There was a lot of introspection, but that was the only way I knew how to handle it and be true without sugarcoating it. It was just about trying to accept the mistakes I've made and learn from them and hoping that somebody else could relate and take some things from that."
Reflecting on his life and career also led Allen to question how much his sexuality had influenced his choices in life. "I grew up in a conservative area, closeted and ashamed. I was fearful of discrimination throughout my career. [I had] to examine whether I went into law enforcement, military, and policing because I was Queer and trying to present this macho, masculine surface. That's not uncommon," he said.
A career risk
Allen had reservations about releasing his memoir, as it was an in-depth look at his sexuality, career, and past mistakes. One of his biggest fears was that the book could negatively impact his career.
"I was fearful of my employer finding out, headquarters finding out, and then there being repercussions that this federal agent — now supervisor — wrote this and exposed all these details of [his] relationships and sexual encounters," he admitted. "It's still very prevalent, but I'm a work in progress. I will push through and accept that it's not a shame. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm still a work in progress."
Allen doesn't sugarcoat anything in his book, including his sexual history. "I candidly talked about being in an open marriage, hook-ups, and Gay cruises. So much of that was unknown to me, growing up in a conservative, Republican area," he said.
While writing something so vulnerable was difficult, he did so in hopes that his stories might help others like him. "I didn't have access to this stuff that would have helped me develop quicker and be my true self. So, it was great to put it all out there and for people to realize it and relate."
Next steps
Since finishing his book, life changes have happened for Allen, including finding a therapist. Now he's engaged, working on new habits, and thinking more seriously about the future. One of the plans he hopes his future entails is writing a second book.
"There will be a follow-on, because I stopped at the pandemic. There's been so much more that Johnny, my fiancé, and I are going through now," he said. "We're in surrogacy, and there is a lack of material out there regarding surrogacy journeys and what that's really like and providing that same candid, honest approach."
Once he finishes the surrogacy process, he hopes to write another memoir about his journey to parenthood and the unique struggles LGBTQ+ couples face when starting "nontraditional" families.
He hopes his work helps others in the community feel connected and understand that vulnerability makes life rich. "You can be your true self," he said. "You can be authentic and succeed and not be ashamed. That's one of the biggest things we have to overcome, as the LGBTQ+ community, that shame, because we don't fit the mold of societal expectations on us. You can be yourself. You can love yourself, and that's an everyday thing."
For anyone looking to read an honest depiction of sexuality, masculinity, and vulnerability, Breaking Free is an excellent pick. Allen's memoir is raw, poignant, and to the point — a perfect read for summer.