Despite the current cultural debate swirling about them, pronouns are of course nothing new. Sung about in the popular educational ABC cartoon series Schoolhouse Rock, pronouns are short words that replace longer nouns, "because saying those words over and over can really wear you down," explained Albert Andreas Armadillo, singer of “Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla (The Pronoun Song."

For Transgender people and allies, it is often customary to introduce oneself with one's pronouns, so as to allow others to refer to them in a gender-affirming way. The practice has become popularized by many allies, so Trans people don't feel excluded or forced to out themselves whenever the topic of pronouns comes up.

The most hotly contested pronouns are those that Nonbinary people prefer. As a group that identifies with multiple genders, no gender, or somewhere on the gender spectrum, many Nonbinary people prefer to use the pronoun “they,” as it has become a nongendered way to refer to a person (since the singular gender-neutral third-person pronoun “it” is used only for nonhumans).

Contrary to arguments that the singular "they" is not grammatically correct, its use to refer to an individual dates back to 1375, according to the Oxford English Dictionary. The pronoun refers to an individual in the story William and the Werewolf. However, due to a lack of written record keeping, many Oxford historians believe the singular they may date back even further.

“They” is not the only pronoun to take on singular and plural meanings in English. The pronoun "you" has also been used to refer to both individuals and groups and remains gender neutral. In the 17th century, using both "they" and "you" as singular pronouns fell out of fashion, with George Fox, the father of Quakerism, going so far as to say anyone who used "you" in the singular was an idiot and a fool.

Of course, grammar is constantly changing. Today's Queer kids are rewriting the rules of grammar with the introduction of neopronouns (words created to serve as pronouns). Some common ones include xe/xim, ze/zir, and fae/fer, though these are not the only ones.
The best way to know someone's pronouns is to ask. The correct use of pronouns for Queer people validates their identities, as does continuing to try. In a 2024 report from the Trevor Project, students who attended schools that affirmed their gender by using the correct names and pronouns were less likely to consider suicide. The study also reported that "Transgender and Nonbinary young people who had access to gender-affirming clothing [and] gender-neutral bathrooms at school, and had their pronouns respected by the people they live with had lower rates of attempting suicide compared to those who did not."

If struggling to use new pronouns for a loved one, try little tricks, like referring to the family pet with gender-neutral pronouns or using “they” (instead of “it”) when referring to AI devices like Siri, Alexa, or Echo. If you don't know someone's pronouns and cannot ask what they are, it's always safest to use “they” until you are sure what they prefer.

It can feel awkward to mess up someone's pronouns, but think of it like accidentally touching someone's butt. It happens sometimes, and it feels weird for everyone involved, but the last thing you want to do is draw attention to the incident and further embarrass both parties. Instead, apologize and try not to touch their butt again. If you continue to use the wrong pronouns for someone, eventually it stops being an awkward moment and turns into harassment.

Just like the English language, pronouns are constantly evolving. Using the correct ones is about respect and dignity, which matters far more than proper English.