On a street in Cagli, a small town in the Marche province of Italy, I saw a rainbow flag. I was so happy, immediately thinking, “Oh my gosh, they have Pride flags here — that’s amazing!” As I was to be in Cagli for a month on a foreign correspondence program with ieiMedia, I felt relieved, believing that at least the town was affirming.
I immediately got a reality check from my friend and interpreter Ricardo, a Gay man who grew up in Cagli.
“Those, unfortunately, are not Pride flags. The rainbow flag is very much used in Italy to symbolize peace,” he told me. Apparently, if I had looked closer instead of jumping the gun, I would have seen the word “pace” written across the flag — the Italian word for peace, not pride.
I felt disappointed but not surprised. Cagli is religious, with Catholic churches on almost every street and nuns that looked like they walked off the set of The Sound of Music. I wasn’t expecting a Pride parade. But I did expect a Queer community, no matter how small.
I did find one: four people, to be exact.
One afternoon, Ricardo invited me to hang out with him and his friends Katya, Leonardo, and Gianmarco. I interviewed them on what it is like to be a Queer person in their twenties in Italy.
I thought Cagli, being a small town, would be a difficult place to live, and assumed that heads would turn if someone heard me say I liked women. But according to those who have grown up there, that’s not the case. Compared to other similar small towns, Cagli is incredibly left-leaning.
At least there, not many people in the younger generation care about who they are and who they love. They may get some judgy looks from the older people walking out of church, however, or hear younger kids say homophobic slurs, not fully understanding what they mean. Ricardo explained that people in Cagli have known each other their whole lives, and no one would be rude to them. Overall, it is safe.
The number of Queer men in Cagli is much larger that of Queer women. Even though there aren’t any Gay clubs or businesses with an actual Pride flag, same-sex relationships have been able to flourish. Gianmarco has been in one for five years. In his words, “In Gay years, that’s like a lifetime.”
Katya, a Bisexual woman, has no intention to leave Cagli. She grew up there, met her girlfriend of four years there, and is able to walk around town holding hands. Doing that might be more common and accepted in bigger towns like Rome and Bologna, but in Cagli, they are also able to be affectionate without being openly judged.
“You know you’re safe here, because it’s all the same people,” Gianmarco said. “But in a bigger city, it can be dangerous, just because there are more people. In some cities, they wouldn’t know what to expect. At least in Cagli, they do.”
When I asked them what they did to connect with other Queers, they all motioned to the backyard and patio table we were seated at. “This is it,” Ricardo said. Getting a group of four to five people together, drinking and chatting in backyards — that’s the Queer scene.
Comparisons with the US
Gianmarco, the political science student, had many words to compare Italy and the US when it comes to the LGBTQIA+ community, giving Ricardo a run for his money as translator.
“America has always been more modern in giving people rights,” he explained. “But the American view on inclusion is more leaning toward segregation.”
According to the group, the difference is that the US still has the separate-but-equal rights format for minorities, whereas in Italy, they just don’t have rights. In Italy, there is no specific penalty for committing a hate crime against a Gay person, and there are no protections. Gay people cannot adopt or have children via surrogacy. They can have civil unions — technically be married — but it is not the same as a straight marriage. (Bigger cities have Pride parades throughout the month of June, though.)
In the US, when a Gay couple marries, they can combine their possessions and put both their names on a house. They have benefits that similar couples in Italy just don’t get.
On a social level, however, Ricardo and his friends believe Italy is more inclusive. “We all live together — we are included,” they said.
But when it comes to laws and equal rights? Nope. One country is not necessarily better than the other — they just have different ways of handling it.
After the interview ended, I still chatted with the group for another hour. The afternoon heat was close to unbearable, so Gianmarco invited us inside his house for snacks and aperol spritzes. All around the table we shared our stories: our first crushes, the moments when we realized we were Queer, and how we came out to our friends and families.
In a way, it was therapeutic to talk with them. I was going to be in Cagli for a month, missing Pride Month and far from my home and my friends. But finding a Queer community, even a small one, made me feel less alone.
Support the Seattle Gay News: Celebrate 51 Years with Us!
As the third-oldest LGBTQIA+ newspaper in the United States, the Seattle Gay News (SGN) has been a vital independent source of news and entertainment for Seattle and the Pacific Northwest since 1974.
As we celebrate our 51st year, we need your support to continue our mission.
A monthly contribution will ensure that SGN remains a beacon of truth and a virtual gathering place for community dialogue.
Help us keep printing and providing a platform for LGBTQIA+ voices.
How you can donate!
Using this link: givebutter.com/6lZnDB
Text “SGN” to 53-555
Or Scan the QR code below!
