On August 17, Lesbians across Seattle unbuttoned their vests, hooked on their comically large carabiners, and headed to Cal Anderson Park for the first-ever “Performative Lesbian Contest.” 

More than 20 competitors vied to prove they were the most Lesbian of all. To win over an audience of around 200 and a $20 prize, one showed off their basketball skills; another, a tattoo of their ex’s name. They pulled vinyls of artists such as Chappell Roan and Boygenius and books such as Stone Butch Blues from their tote bags. One trimmed the nails of an audience volunteer with clippers attached to their carabiner. 

All of these displays of stereotypical lesbian-ness were met with cheers from the crowd, but no one could outdo the two winners, Ryan Jansen and Clara McFadden. The pair, who met in line at the event, had a steamy makeout session in one of the first rounds. 

“We figured if we made out, we would get to the final. We dapped each other up and decided if it came to that, we would pull out all the stops,” Jansen said after winning. They secured the win in the final round, when the two pulled up their tops and flashed the crowd. 

Jansen heard about the contest through word of mouth and TikTok. Alise Garcia, who planned and hosted the informal competition, posted on her TikTok that she was organizing the contest after seeing “the straights do it,” referring to the “performative male” competition earlier this month (as covered in the SGN). 

“The whole performative male thing is men feminizing themselves and taking advantage of Gay culture without actually being Gay,” Garcia told SGN. “So I thought it would be awesome to host a Lesbian version, because we are the blueprint of what a performative male looks like in this generation.” 

Garcia describes being a performative Lesbian as aligning with stereotypes about Lesbians, and said that yes, she fits some of those herself. 

Her posts about the contest quickly gained traction, but she didn’t expect so many people to show up. “I was shocked to say the least…,” she said. “I cannot believe how well everyone did, and the crowd was amazing. The entire thing was perfect.” 

Garcia grew up in Seattle and has been organizing Queer events here since moving back from New York City in July. She was active in the Lesbian community there, and feels there aren’t as many opportunities in Seattle, especially ones that don’t revolve around drinking. So Garcia hosts picnics, craft nights, and a weekly Lesbian running club. 

“I do think Seattle has a beautiful Lesbian scene. We just lack places to gather and meet,” Garcia said, noting that the Wildrose is the only Lesbian bar in the city. 

She encouraged the crowd on Sunday to stay and meet people and make friends when the contest ended. Though, based on the cheers every time someone announced that they were single, friends may not have been the only thing people were seeking.