At its core, SHe Said, now playing at Intiman Theatre on Capitol Hill, is a love story — not the glossy, fairy-tale version but the kind forged through time, uncertainty, and deep emotional courage.
Jen Ayers met Graham during college orientation. Both were musicians with dreams of being rock stars — creative free spirits who believed fiercely in love and music. They fell in love, built a life together, married, had a child, and stayed deeply connected to family (Jen’s parents live literally next door). From the outside, theirs looked like a settled, loving partnership rooted in shared history.
Then came a Halloween night — and a moment that changed everything.
As they prepared for a costume party, Graham — who had worn drag on previous Halloweens — looked in the mirror and felt something new. When Jen told Graham, “You look really pretty,” Graham replied, “For the first time, I feel like me.” It was a quiet moment, intimate and electric, but it would reverberate through every part of their lives.
The next morning, Jen woke up grappling with what she had seen — not a costume but her partner’s authentic self-reflected back in the mirror.
SHe Said centers the often-unheard story of the partner of someone who comes out as Transgender. While Trans narratives frequently focus — rightly — on the courage it takes to come out, this show explores the parallel journey: what it means to love someone through profound change.
When Graham later began living as Gray, both partners faced deeply human questions. Jen loved Graham — and loved aspects of his masculinity. Could she love Gray? What did this mean for her own identity? Did this change her sexual orientation? These questions are rarely given space in our cultural conversations, yet they are real, tender, and complex like all of us are.
Jen processes emotion through music, and so the piano became her therapy. The songs that anchor SHe Said are not abstract — they are lived experience, written in real time as Jen navigated grief, fear, confusion, love, and ultimately acceptance. When she saw Gray fully embodied in feminine authenticity — glowing, alive — love began to reassert itself.
As Gray shared with me, there is love on one end of the spectrum and hate on the other. In a world increasingly dominated by fear and division, SHe Said is a conscious choice to stand firmly on the side of love.
Now, these two rock divas love each other out loud, and their story is an example to all of us on loving one another through changes.
Directed by Allison Narver, the production is anchored by a powerhouse band featuring some of Seattle’s most beloved musicians: Kathy Moore on lead guitar, Melissa Montalto on keyboards, RL Heyer on guitar, Geoff Reading on drums, and Richard Davidson on bass. Several band members also play with Jen in Rumors, Seattle’s much-loved Fleetwood Mac tribute band — and that chemistry is palpable onstage.
Moore told me that each time she performs the show, something new stands out — and that loving Jen and Gray through this journey has been a beautiful experience. She said that after a preview performance, a mother who attended with her Trans daughter told her that the drive home sparked the most open and honest conversation they had ever shared.
That is the quiet power of this show.
Reactions
I attended the show on Pride Night alongside my dear friend and Gender Justice League co-founder Elayne Wylie, and the audience was filled with local LGBTQIA+ leaders, activists, and artists. “In this new [era] where Trans people are objectified and politicized, we need to remind ourselves that tTrans people are our spouses, siblings, children, grandparents, co-workers, neighbors and friends,” Elayne said. “SHe Said is one of many stories of Trans people that we need to hear. We are still here.”
Aiden Key, a Trans activist and mentor, was also in attendance and deeply moved by the performance. As we spoke afterward about our own coming-out experiences, we reflected on how, for many of us, it once felt like a given that coming out as Trans meant losing your partner. SHe Said offers a different possibility — one that shows how love can endure and even deepen through that journey.
“SHe Said knocked my socks off,” Aiden said. “Jen Ayers opens the door to her heart and invites the whole dang world in. I had tears rolling down my face many times during the show. SHe Said is a road map for anyone on how to love. My heart is that much bigger for the opportunity to enter hers.”
After the show, my friend Aleksa Manila said, “SHe Said is honest and kind, with candor. We often become silent when faced with fear of the unknown — and miss out on love and happiness. Jen Ayers eloquently celebrates that truth through storytelling and song.”
We all change. In any long-term relationship — with a partner, a sibling, a chosen family member — love requires flexibility, courage, and growth. SHe Said reminds us that if we truly love someone, don’t we want them living in their full authenticity?
In a time, saturated with othering and hate, this story dares to insist that love is still possible — and still worth choosing. Do yourself a favor: get tickets, bring friends and family, and witness a story that feels urgently necessary right now.
SHe Said runs through February 1 at Intiman Theatre: www.intiman.org/she-said
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