I have so many questions regarding Practical Magic 2. Was the 1998 original so beloved that it required a legacy sequel? Why does it so casually undo the uplifting ending of its predecessor, meaning why are magical sisters Sally (Sandra Bullock) and Gillian “Gilly” Owens (Nicole Kidman) facing pretty much the exact same problem now that they did almost three decades ago? Why is this follow-up 130 minutes long, and, even more annoying, why does it wait almost a full 90 before revealing its antagonist?

Having not read any of author Alice Hoffman’s four books in the Owens sisters series, I imagine the answer to that second question may be found there. More importantly, after sitting through this film, directed by Susanne Bier (In a Better World, Brothers), I also do not care. This oddly inert sequel has none of the weird, off-kilter charm of the original, helmed by Griffin Dunne, and it frequently leaves its magnificent supporting ensemble (especially the still divine Dianne Wiest and Stockard Channing) high and dry. I found the whole thing precariously close to insufferable.

If not the saving grace, the one element that almost gets the film there is the still electrifying chemistry of Bullock and Kidman. I’d forgotten how much I love watching them together, and it has taken this latest installment in the saga to finally reunite them. They are continual bright lights in an otherwise dull, tedious, and frequently off-putting slog. They deserve better and, frankly, so does the audience.

This new story is built on a crumbling foundation: After the death of her husband Gary (sorry, Aidan Quinn, no return engagement for you) to the same family curse she and Gilly thought they had put an end to, New England librarian Sally decides the best way to protect her daughters Kylie (Joey King) and Antonia (Maisie Williams) from suffering the same heartbreaking loss is to…never tell them about it? Huh? How’s that for solid parenting?

Things go off the rails when Kylie finds out about the family’s tragic backstory, because a certain beetle starts creeping around her boyfriend Gideon (Xolo Maridueña). When she goes sprinting to England to break the curse once and for all, Sally dashes right along after her. Much to the delight of Gilly (who is eager to tag along), this new adventure means they need to use their supernatural gifts together for the first time since Gary’s death. It gets even more complicated from there.

But not really, and not in ways that go too far beyond what was already covered in the prior motion picture. There is a new love interest in Ian (a smoldering Lee Pace), and there’s a wonderfully nimble performance from Solly McLeod as Tom, a curiously helpful Englishman, but as far as the rest of the screenplay by Akiva Goldsman (A Beautiful Mind), Georgia Pritchett (High Heels and Low Lives), and Kelly Marcel (Saving Mr. Banks)? Pretty much everything is a foregone conclusion. None of the twists and turns are shocking, and the biggest reveal is how obnoxiously uneventful all of this nonsense is.

To Bier’s credit, even with a pointlessly never-ending running time, she somehow manages to keep the pace rather sprightly, and she’s significantly aided by composer Rupert Gregson-Williams (Wonder Woman) and his clever reinterpretations of Alan Silvestri’s lovely themes. The director also knows where the real magic is, and those are whenever Bullock and Kidman get to share the screen together. She makes sure that director of photography Simon Duggan (Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga) paints them with the type of cinematic luminosity both actors deserve. This gives the picture an old-school Hollywood luster I richly appreciated.

I’m not one to wax poetic about the first Practical Magic; there wasn’t a lot of there there either. But it had an effervescence that was enchanting. It used its supporting cast — especially Wiest and Channing — with memorable precision. Bullock and Quinn set the screen ablaze with their fiery chemistry. The whole thing was quirky but not obnoxious, melodramatic but never schmaltzy. There’s a reason audiences keep coming back to it again and again: the spell it effortlessly weaves is happily captivating. It makes the viewer smile.

That this exercise in paint-by-numbers nostalgia cannot do the same is hardly unexpected. That it lands with such a leaden thud —especially with a filmmaker as talented as Bier taking the directorial reins and with Bullock and Kidman throwing themselves into the sequel with such magnetic gusto —unhappily is. Practical Magic 2 is all smoke and mirrors, and part of me wishes that pesky deathwatch beetle would have shown up when it was in the planning stage and killed it off before it could have broken my heart.