Love is one of the most foundational human emotions. We are born to crave love from those around us, and spend all our lives seeking, grasping, or letting go of great loves. For many in the LGBTQIA+ community, real love stories don’t always look like the movies we grew up with; there isn’t a swelling of violins or an epic kiss at the airport, but there are small moments that mean more than words, pictures, or music could ever capture.
There is also so much love in the act of celebrating everyday Queer friends and their partners, whose relationships have continued to inspired and brighten people’s lives with their joy, tenacity, and presence. Here is a snapshot of the relationships of a few wonderfully Queer friends, acquaintances, and former colleagues whom I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know over all these years.
Jenna and Jess
When Jenna met Jess, it wasn’t a rom-com moment. She was just sitting at home, scrolling through the apps, when she came across a witty profile. “Jess had a joke about babkas on their profile that made me laugh out loud,” Jenna recalled. “They were also hot, so I had to message them.”
“We exchanged a handful of fun messages before meeting IRL,” Jess added. “My breath absolutely got caught in my throat the first time we made eye contact. My first impression when I saw her was instant terror, because I thought she was so beautiful.”
Like so many Queer relationships, Jenna and Jess started hanging out and just never stopped. “My favorite thing about our relationship is that I never get tired of spending time together. I miss them when we’re asleep,” Jenna said. “It’s humiliating.”
For the last two years, Jenna and Jess have grown together and built a relationship founded on joy and laughter. “My favorite thing about our relationship is how much we make each other laugh,” Jess said. “Even when we are talking about serious things, there is always space for a silly joke that makes whatever hard thing we’re talking about feel less intimidating.”
It was during the hard moments, when Jess’s positivity and support grounded Jenna, that she realized she was in love. “I realized I wanted Jess to be present for vulnerable moments. I wanted them around when I failed at things or felt sad or uncertain,” Jenna said. “Once I had to go to the hospital, and Jess read me Wikipedia articles to pass the time. They have written many sticky notes to help me not forget things, and I collect them on my fridge. Jess makes people feel safe and special.”
It was through the safe space Jess provides that Jenna was able to further explore her identity as a Queer person. “This is my first Queer relationship, and I had some patterns from heteronormative days past to unlearn,” Jenna explained. “Jess was very patient with me. Exploring my queerness through my relationship with Jess has helped me become more communicative, expressive, and attuned to my emotions and needs. I feel so much joy and ease in being Queer together. For me, this has outweighed the challenges imposed by straight society.”
Being with someone who came out later in life never held Jess back. “We have different levels of experience being out, and it never felt like it created a power imbalance in our relationship,” they said. “Jenna has less baggage about being Queer than I do, and being with her has helped me work through some of that. I’ve never been with someone who feels so comfortable with casual PDA, and it’s made me realize that I still felt some shame and discomfort around being Queer even though I’ve been out for nearly two decades. She makes me feel so safe and loved, and I’m so grateful to be with her.”
Billie and Rosey
For over a decade, Billie and Rosey have been each other’s constant in life, even when life has been anything but consistent. The two have gone from college sweethearts to living in multiple cities, and have gone through one transition together, only to find that their love is even stronger now.
Billie and Rosey met way back in 2013 at a noisy Halloween party, while they were both undergrads. “I was fairly drunk. Rosey remarked to a friend after the first meeting ‘Well, hopefully I never have to see that jackass again,” Billie recalled.
“Admittedly, my first impression wasn’t extremely flattering,” Rosey added. “Billie was experiencing the ‘college freshman trying to be the coolest person in the room’ phase, and I was in my ‘very cliquey and judgmental of other people’ phase as well. But… I did note that they were very cute, with very pretty hair, and that stuck with me until we got a better opportunity to get to know each other later that year.”
Luckily, after their less-than-ideal meet-cute, Billie and Rosey hit it off. “We later got a reintroduction through a LARPing group at our college, where we were both huge nerds pretending to be vampires in the basement of the admin building,” Billie said. “There, we learned we were both nerds, and I learned I love making Rosey laugh.”
They dated casually for a couple of months but made it official once both realized they’d found someone who made them truly happy.
For both Rosey and Billie, falling in love happened in the small moments, like the time Billie won Rosey a prize at the local carnival. “I won her a rainbow dolphin from a game,” Billie recalled. “Something about seeing her smile as she held it just made me know I wanted to be with her.”
For Rosey, it was seeing how Billie would keep showing up for her. “Billie mentioned a carnival where she won me a toy — named Smooches the Rainbow Dolphin — but what she didn’t mention is that not long after that moment, I got a call from my mother telling me that my cat had gotten out of the house and was lost.” While some partners might bounce during such a stressful moment, Billie leapt into action. “[She] took me home and helped me and my family search for the cat for hours… no question, just doing what she could to help.”
As for the cat? “She was the one to find the cat and bring her home,” Rosey said.
While lost cats and carnival games may sound trivial, Rosey found that Billie was willing to stand with her during the really heavy stuff a few years later.
“About eight years ago, I got the news that my mother had suddenly died — it shattered my family and me,” Rosey recalled. Billie and Rosey immediately flew back to Rosey’s hometown to be close to family. “Billie was not only there for me every single moment but for my family. She made sure we ate when we didn’t want to, kept us occupied, and helped us go through Mom’s things. To this day, my dad still says, ‘I don’t know how we’d have gotten through this without Billie.’ I say the same thing.”
Rosey has also supported Billie through life’s ups and downs. “Rosey has seen me through so many changes in my life, namely my transition,” Billie said. “She started dating a boy, married a man, supported her husband, and became her wife. She’s been my greatest cheerleader throughout my journey, and loves me more each and every day.”
“I am thankful to have a Bisexual wife, whose love has only grown as I’ve come into my own as a Transgender woman,” Billie added. “She’s my greatest proponent, helping me learn things from makeup to fashion to the importance of bike shorts on a hot summer day. The world definitely looks at us [differently] than when I thought I was a man, but frankly, the love we share makes that the least of my concerns.”
From the beginning, Rosey and Billie’s relationship was rooted in queerness, so accepting the outward changes wasn’t too difficult for Rosey. “There’s always been a lack of pretense in our relationship, a discarding of heteronormative performances and gender roles that helps both of us feel free, open, and communicative,” Rosey added. “Billie’s journey in her transition has been such a unique and fantastic thing to get to witness and be a part of; I wouldn’t trade that for the world. Imagine getting to watch the person you love more than anything evolve into the most wonderful, happiest version of themself before your very eyes!”
Jody and Ashton
Love and neurodivergence can sometimes be a challenge, as Jody realized when they showed up at the wrong location for their first date with Ashton (he/they). After meeting “the old-fashioned way,” on OkCupid, the two decided to meet up at the Add-A-Ball arcade, although the suggestion of the Ice Box Arcade had been thrown out there. “I’m a space cadet and could only remember Ice Box, so on the day of our date, we went to completely different places,” Jody recalled. “When we finally figured out what happened, I biked over to Add-A-Ball as fast as I could to meet them, worried I had ruined our first date.”
Luckily for Jody, Ashton has a good sense of humor and laughed the whole thing off. “It was honestly such a great way to meet them,” Jody said, “because I’d previously been with people who would have been really upset by what was ultimately an honest mistake, but Ashton was so chill.”
Jody and Ashton’s relationship is founded on healthy communication, give-and-take, and authenticity. They’ve been together for two years, but time feels meaningless to Queer people in love. “It often feels like I met him about two months ago and also like I’ve known him my whole life,” Jody admitted.
“I think what I love best about our relationship is how willing we both are to make it work,” Jody added. “I feel like in nearly every relationship I’ve been in, I would give 100% of myself, but I wouldn’t always get that in return. This is the first time I feel like I’ve been with someone who is trying as hard as I am every day to be vulnerable and who wants us both to be happy the way I do. We are both very committed to being authentic and good people, and it feels so wonderful to share that with someone.”
Jody and Ashton built their relationship through Discord gaming dates, playing Civilization VI. Their souls connected early on, and Ashton believes it was love at first hug. “[Ashton] will often talk about the first real hug we shared on our second date and what it felt like,” Jody said. “When I think about that moment, it honestly feels like the first time we both loved each other.”
Ashton often shows his love to Jody with handmade gifts. Right now, he’s working on crocheting Jody a cardigan. “Whenever I’ve tried it on so he can see how it’s fitting, I’ll literally start crying, because I can feel how much love he’s put into it,” Jody admitted.
One of the reasons Jody and Ashton connect so well is that they share similar Queer identities — both are Nonbinary. “It means we share a real understanding of the sorts of struggles, both internal and external, we face,” Jody said. “We both share a real desire to understand the other person more deeply, and I feel like that’s partly because as Queer people we’ve had to do so much work to understand ourselves."
Being in a relationship with Ashton has taught Jody more about love than they ever could have imagined. It has also opened their eyes to what love is and isn’t as they observe others around them. “I feel like way too many people settle when they shouldn’t,” Jody said. “You should be with someone who is willing to meet you where you’re at and also who you genuinely like. I think everyone deserves to be with someone who feels like they’ve got a person in their corner. I’m just lucky mine is Ashton.”
Queer love is sometimes messy, sometimes unconventional, and sometimes the greatest thing that can happen to someone. Queer love is navigating new identities with a partner to lean on, missing the other person when they’re still in the same room, or falling in love with them through a computer screen. Queer love deserves to be celebrated, now, more than ever.
While all of these couples have experienced their own challenges, some unique to their gender identities and sexualities, they also face pressing issues due to national attacks on LGBTQIA+ rights. “Society isn’t really set up for Queer love,” Jody said. “We don’t get to have the correct gender on legal documents; this current administration doesn’t want either of us to exist, so there’s definitely a level of stress there that I imagine cis-het people don’t have to deal with.”
Despite the mounting obstacles, Queer love has always existed, and will continue to, so long as people like Jenna and Jess, Rosey and Billie, and Jody and Ashton continue to find happiness in one another.
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